Short Stuff

Sex

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So sex is in

Lord of the Rings?

Nine megs for secretaries fair;
Seven megs for hackers scarce;
Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs;
Three megs for system source;

One disk to rule them all;
One disk to bind them;
One disk to hold the files;
And in the darkness grind 'em.

Drunk

You're only drunk when you have to hold onto the floor to avoid falling off.

Festivities

Festivity Level 1 :

Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hor d'oevres.

Festivity Level 2 :

Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.

Festivity Level 3 :

Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction", gulping down other people's drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.

Festivity Level 4 :

Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.

You want to keep you party somewhere around level 3, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go to level 4. The best way to get to level 3 is egg-nog.